Violence against women – one man’s reflection

Despite gale-force winds of almost 100 km/hr and temperatures of thirty plus degrees, a crowd of several hundred stood firm in Torquay earlier today, November 25th, to celebrate White Ribbon Day.

White Ribbon day celebrates Australia’s only national, male-led campaign to end men’s violence against women.
Globally, White Ribbon is the world’s largest male-led movement to end men’s violence against women.

Torquay mayor Rose Hodge opened the event,  challenging us that we needed to ‘draw a line in the sand and say that violence against women is no longer tolerable.’

Statistics are mind-numbing. There’s some form of  violence against women every two minutes in Australia.  But it’s the personal stories that move our hearts and our resolve. Such stories were brought home to me last night  as I watched the first part of Hitting Home  – Sarah Ferguson’s unflinching two-part documentary series on ABC TV.
Violence against women is something I just can’t get my head around.

John and the inimitable mayor of Torquay, Rose Hodge

Do I not understand because?
1. I was fortunate to be raised in a ‘normal’ family with a father who was regarded as a ‘gentleman’ and was indeed a gentle man. Of course my parents were not perfect. They sometimes (not often)  had arguments but there was never violence, physical, emotional or verbal that I witnessed.
2. Is it because I’m a gay man who never had to raise children?
Is there something about the fact I never had to negotiate an emotional relationship with a woman that means I don’t understand? Women for me are friends primarily; perhaps that makes it simpler. And do the responsibilities of raising children change the way men think about women? I don’t know. I can’t answer that.
3. Is it because it’s impossible for me to see women as inferior to men? – quite the opposite. I’m in awe of women, their strength, their humour, their adaptability. My experience has been mostly in the area of community development where women have been the powerhouses of change and energy.
I heard Prime Minister Turnbull say on Tuesday that ‘disrespect for women is not the cause of violence against women but it is always present.’ I think it’s more complicated than that. Disrespect for women is already a form of nascent violence. If men start disrespecting women can some form of violence, subtle as it might be, be far behind?

Whatever the reason for men’s rage turning into violence against women and children it’s never understandable or acceptable.

In Australia it’s regarded as patriotic to praise Australia as one of the best nations in the world, flouting our nationalism like some religion. With the statistics on ‘domestic abuse’ that have now been revealed, how can we make this boast any longer? ‘Hidden’ violence against women, indigenous people, failed asylum seekers and other minority groups should be a cause for shame not pride. (And should we now add Moslems to that list?)

Why is violence a default position for many men?
I have no patience with groups such as ‘Reclaim Australia’ and ‘Australia First’ (and yes they are mostly men!) who flout their false pride in Australia as some badge of honour, ranting against a phantom non-existent threat of Sharia law and the evils of multiculturalism instead of demonstrating against the epidemic of violence against women.

The purpose of White Ribbon Day is for men to take responsibility against violence, against disrespect, to call it out wherever it appears. Over to us chaps. Taking out the bins is no longer enough.